I read a book a long time ago called “Praying Our Goodbyes” by Joyce Rupp, OSM. That book has never left me. At the time I was facing a change in my life. I was having to say goodbye to something that was very familiar and turn to something that was completely unfamiliar. Sometimes, I think we stay in an uncomfortable, unhealthy situation because at least it is known. Knowing is better than not knowing or at least it is predictable.
In her book, Rupp explains that “the word goodbye — originally ‘God-be-with-ye’ or ‘Go-with-God’ — was a recognition that God was a significant part of the going.” I understand that more deeply as the years have passed. Life has been filled with so many goodbyes, whether it be a relationship, job, life, habits, seasons of the year … seasons of life. Each of us has an endless list of goodbyes. Some more painful than others.
How we handle our “goodbyes” is important. There is always pain with goodbyes … always. Goodbyes have a companion called grief. Even if the situation is improved by saying goodbye, there are things that will be grieved. The grief might be what could have been. It might be a love left behind. It might be the imprint of a trauma not yet healed. It might be a dream unfulfilled.
If the grief is left unaddressed it will take up permeant residence in your life — in a big way. To be honest, goodbyes and its grief will always remain with us, but the level to which they impact our future life is dependent on how we handle our grief.
That said, one of my big takeaways from this book is that each “goodbye” is met with another “hello.” When we move on from something, a relationship, a job, a home, graduation, marriage, divorce … etc., we are always met with a new hello. Even at death we turn to face our next hello, a place in God’s heavenly kingdom.
In the book of Ecclesiastes, chapter 3, the author writes about the seasons of life, times of hello and goodbyes. Here is an excerpt …
“For everything there is a season, a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant and a time to pluck up what is planted;
time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to throw away stones and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek and a time to lose, a time to keep, and a time to throw away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.”
Our lives are cyclical. We have summer seasons and winter seasons. We drop the autumn leaves of our lives and plant the seeds for springtime. Each of these seasons has a series of goodbyes and new hellos.
Not one moment of these seasons do we travel alone. God is always there. In the hard goodbyes, God is there. In the unfamiliar new hellos God is there. As we drop the unnecessary leaves of our life, God cheers us on. As we plant the new seeds for the future, God is present to water and nurture these seeds for new growth.
As autumn begins and we watch the leaves change and drop, let us be reminded that God is with us always, in the hellos, goodbyes and the next hello. Go with God.
Rev. Deb Patterson is a retired Presbyterian minister of the PCUSA.
